Never Letting Go

colleen Blog, Ministry 5 Comments

When clouds veil sun and disaster comes
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul
When waters rise and hope takes flight
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul

Ever faithful, ever true, You I know
You never let go, You never let go, You never let go, You never let go

When clouds brought rain and disaster came
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul
When waters rose and hope had flown
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain, in sun and rain
You’re the same
Oh, You never let go

All I can think about right now are the lyrics to this David Crowder song that I am currently listening to on repeat, and this blog entry will probably make no sense to anyone but me, but it’s where my heart is this morning! Yesterday afternoon as I looked around at the smiling faces getting excited to water trees with me, I looked at these kids with a different set of eyes, you see earlier that day a mom said to me, “Ms. Colleen I just don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how much more I can handle…” she said this in reference to her teenage son, as we talked she told me all of the things he was doing wrong, I asked her what he was doing right, and her response, “Ms. Colleen it’s hard to see the things he’s doing right when he’s doing so much wrong…” my heart broke and I asked her about her relationship with God, she told me I pray, sometimes I go to church, she told me “it’s hard you know…when you don’t have any help…”

I looked at her and said, “No I don’t know… but what I do know is that God never ever lets go of us, in the midst of our chaos, in the midst of our storms He holds onto us tights, and I do believe in that promise He makes to us, I do believe He will never let Go, but I also believe you need to be walking along side Him…” I hugged her tightly, said a prayer for her and begged her not to let go of her son, I told her I was praying for strong men to come and walk with these boys, and that while I could never understand what she was going through as a single mom with teenage boys who are caught up in the chaos of the streets, I would listen and I would pray, and then I invited her to come to church with me in a few weeks when I can return.

So as I looked at these young boys (and girls) staring up at me, threatening to soak me with the water hose, I wonder who was letting go of them, I wondered where they’d be in 5, 10, 20 years, I thought about how from that moment on I was determined to not let go of them, I was determined that even in their weak and meanest moments, I would remember why I am here, to love them, to teach them, to plant seeds within them. Not let go of them just as God NEVER EVER lets go of me, just as He loves me in my weakest and my best moments.

As I peek out my window sometimes and look in my backyard my heart is so full because there’s big boys, little boys and the littlest boys, and most of the time they are all playing together. I remember looking out my window a few weeks before my accident at the 15 boys playing in my yard and in that moment, one of the toughest boys on our block was holding one of the littlest boys on our block up to make a shot into the hoop, it broke my heart and made me smile all at the same time, because this sweet boy had told me a few days prior he felt like the world was giving up on him, that there was nothing for him, as I watched him play with the boys, encourage them when they needed it and in a kind but firm way correct them when they were wrong. In that moment I thought the world has nothing on this kid, I pray daily that He will find the path to redemption, to beauty and grace, that he will be so invaded by Christ that in a year, He’s helping lead the younger boys in discipleship and to Christ.

Last night as I lay in my bed I could hear my friends outside laughing, arguing and having fellowship in their own special way, and I smiled and I asked God in that moment to remind each of them in some kind of special way that He has not forgotten them, that He never wants to Let Go of them, that He wants to be a part of their lives, this morning as I was putting some mail out to be picked up, I looked over each of their homes and prayed that same prayer for them, and then I prayed that God would fill me with so much love and joy in my heart that I would never give up on my friends, I would never stop loving them even when it’s hard and that I could love them in a way that they would see God was not letting them Go. As I get ready to go about my day, my heart is filled with so much Joy this morning I can’t stop smiling and thinking about how blessed I am to daily love people for a job…

Comments 5

  1. Colleen, these little boys in your backyard today – are the men who will be there for the neighborhood tomorrow. You are helping raise the men of our future. May God bless the work of your hands and feet.

  2. I actually just randomly found your blog on the side bar of aunie SAUCE and I found that blog through the giveaway from Our_Reflection…. anyways, I am glad I found this site. You are definitely someone that I can relate to, and I can’t wait to read more from you 🙂

    Anna @Beauty in the Chaos

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