Ms. Colleen that’s weird…

colleen Blog, Ministry 2 Comments

One afternoon one of my dear little friends, rewrote my calendar, on the 22nd of that month she thought I should work on finding a husband! I got to have an amazing conversation about men, dads and husbands with her. I am thankful for these opportunities.

I am a little behind on my blogging, but that’s because every time I sit down to write a blog it’s like I know what I should write but then it all becomes a jumbled mess…and I can’t quite get the words out. However this one has been on my heart for over a month now and it was a severe reality check about the world around me. As I wrote in a previous blog post we took the kids on a field trip in the beginning of December, in the middle of the trip I was zipping coats, dividing kids and doing a million other little things, multitasking at it’s best! In the midst of this someone said, “Ms. Colleen you’d make such a good mommy!” Apparently one of my kiddos overheard this comment and would later begin to question why I wasn’t a mommy.

Later the question came up from one of my kids, “Ms. Colleen why aren’t you a mommy?” If you know me, you know that my heart desires nothing more to have a family someday, and that in the past few months this is something that I have struggled with, because it feels like everyone around me is getting married and having beautiful babies (which I am blessed to be a part of their lives through this!), but it’s something I’ve cried out to God and asked if I will ever be a mommy, if I will ever have a husband and a family. So when this topic came up it was pouring salt into a wound, but I politely looked at my little friend and I explained that before I had babies, I wanted to meet my husband and get married. The response I got from this sweet child, broke my heart, and made me hold back tears, but also made me realize that he’s 100% right! He looked at me with his big brown eyes and said, “Ms. Colleen, that’s weird you don’t need to have a husband to have a baby, my mommy didn’t have a husband.”

I quickly blinked back tears, and just smiled at him and gave him the biggest hug I could, as we continued throughout the afternoon all I could hear echoing in my head was, “Ms. Colleen that’s weird…” when I got home that afternoon I plopped down in my prayer room and began to think of the homes on my block and there are three homes that I know of that have men consistently present in their homes, and men who they call “daddy” I know for sure that in one of those homes only one of the kids is the actual child of the man present and in the other two homes a few of the children have their daddy present but the others are not this man’s child, while the others are lacking the influence of a positive male role model, daddy or not. I began to feel the tears stream down my face and could do nothing but begin to call out the names of the sweet children I know who are lacking the love of a father or man in their life. I also began to thank God for the men that he’s placed in these kids lives through the church, and through the volunteers at Kids Club, while none of them are their dads they are positive male influence. I also began to thank God for the positive men that he’s placed in my life, from my pastor, to the men who serve along side me, to the brothers in Christ he’s given me.  The reality for these kids is that having a father, husband, man present in their lives is a foreign concept.

I did some research and 62% of the homes in Baltimore are single parents homes, out of the 62%, that means less than 40% of homes in Baltimore are two parents homes, and some of them are homes with no parents at all, but another relative or friend raising or a non-family member raising the children. On my block alone, there at least three homes where children are being raised by grandmothers, aunts and friends, because the parents have abandon their children. This statistic makes me sick, and breaks my heart, I’ve worked with some of these kids who are missing dads, moms, both parents, these are the kids that run to gangs to find that love they are lacking, these are the girls who find their way to the streets because they need to feel valued and loved, these are the kids who are selling drugs on our street corners, and who are acting out to get out attention.

This morning I felt like I was punched in the gut with this reality of lack of responsible men again, but even more the lack of Godly men, every Friday morning (okay MOST) I join a group of friends on an early morning prayer call, sometimes I just listen and pray to myself, other times I pray with them and for them, but it’s one hour devoted to prayer about anything and everything. Well this morning I prayed for my new friend “J” and how he has recently accepted Christ and how I pray daily that God will surround him with an army of Godly men to hold him accountable, challenge him and love him, well I continued to listen and I heard multiple men (and women) praying for the men, the men of Baltimore, the men in our lives, the men who are missing from our lives and for the lack of men who wanted to be held accountable to Christ, to other men, to their children, to their wives, pastors etc. Will you join me today in praying for Godly men to step out in boldness, will you pray with me for the daddy’s to actually fulfill that role? Will you pray with me for these kids who think it’s weird to have a husband before having a kid? Will you pray for this sweet little boy who doesn’t even know who his daddy is, that God would send an amazing man of God into his life to show him the influence of a positive male?

Comments 2

  1. Colleen,

    I wanted to let you know how much this post touched my heart. Even though I am married, I’ve struggled with not having a child of my own – thought I have amazing step sons there is something yearning inside of me to have a child of my own. I don’t know if it is in God’s plan for me to raise something that my husband and I created, but I do know that through my work at the university that I’ve been able to parent in so many ways. I am affectionally called mamma bear and those words warm my heart. I don’t know what plan God has for you, but know this – you are already a momma to so many. My husaband tells me that alot and it has taken me a while to know that though you might not birth them, that you are a mother figure and sometimes even more of an influence that you can imagine.

    I love you!

  2. I love you, and I miss you. This made me cry. Though I had heard the story, the statistics you added blew me away. To think that my children are in such a minority of families in this city to have two parents breaks my heart. I’ll pray with you for all of these families, and my girls’ classmates who are lacking solid male role models.

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