Disclaimer: This entry is LONG but it’s all about what God is teaching me and I think it’s worth the read, plus there’s some cool stories at the end you won’t wanna miss! So bear with me for this post!
God is so much bigger than the drug deals outside the door, so much bigger than the street fight I encountered on my way home the other night, so much bigger than the no ball playing signs that are creating friction on our block. He is so much bigger than the sin that happens daily, so much bigger than the pain that fills my heart sometimes for the people who live around me. God has been showing me so much over the past few days about how much bigger He is. I’m not gonna lie the past few weeks have been trying, for those of you who are regulars around here, on twitter or facebook, you know how much I love my job, pretty much not a day goes by that I don’t tweet something about loving what I do, and trust and believe I LOVE WHAT I DO! But within in the past few weeks I’ve questioned what am I doing here, I have said Lord how am I worthy of all this, there have been days in the past few weeks that I have selfishly prayed for the kids not to notice me so I could just have a day, there have been days when I’ve watched things take place (i.e: street fights, drug deals and kids getting mistreated) and I’ve said to myself Colleen WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
During these past few weeks there have been times when I have had to sit down and have honest to goodness 2+ hour talks with God and say, really Lord what are you doing, what do you want from me here, what is my purpose? And for the first time in my life I feel as if though I can hear and feel the Lord speaking to me, telling me that He has me exactly where He wants me, and comforting me, and showing me things that if I didn’t know Him I wouldn’t be able to see. I think that sometimes we need a reminder that God is much BIGGER than we give Him credit for.
Honestly while the past few weeks have been painful as God is doing somethings in my life I don’t think I was quite ready for they have also shown me I am becoming more and more daily the woman that God is creating me to be, I am learning that God’s time is not mine and that as painful as it is we must wait upon the Lord, and strength will come through that, I am learning that I am NOT FORGOTTEN, and that even in the worst of times, when I turn my back and question God He’s wrapping his ever-loving, unconditional loving arms around me. My creator loves me more than anything in the world, and He wants me to experience that love through pain, joy, heart ache and victory.
I am learning a lot about faith right now, and last night I spent sometime with a friend, that for the past year and a half all we’ve wanted to do was get together and fellowship, pray and share how God has been working in our lives, and honestly up until last night I kept getting frustrated every time we couldn’t get together and last night I realized God would allow us to get together when He deemed it necessary, and well let’s face it, last night was perfect…my sweet friend Ashley is one of the most amazing prayer warriors, women of God I know and last night she reminded me of this Verses in Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Sometimes this is hard for me, sometimes it’s hard for me to have faith in what I can’t see…sometimes its hard for me to be sure of the things I hope for, last night as Ashley spoke this verse into my life more than once, I realized that God calls us to be sure of the things we hope for and certain of the things we can’t see, touch or hear, and through that faithfulness He will bless us.
I thought I would end this blog with sharing some ways that God has been revealing to me that He has not forgotten me and some of His blessings.
One of them is on Sunday I was driving home from church, and well lets face it I am human, and I am a girl and sometimes I feel insecure in who I am, who God has made me to be, it started during the sermon, I couldn’t concentrate, my mind wandered, I couldn’t figure out what God wanted me to learn that day, I felt lost…as my mind wandered I begin to think about all the things in my life that made me not good enough, not a good enough friend, not a good enough servant, not a good enough potential mate, not a good enough anything, and I couldn’t wait to beat it out the door after church because I felt like I was going to explode into tears. That’s exactly what I did, I cried the entire way home listening to my favorite worship cd, part tears of pain, parts tears of pleading with God to reveal himself to me, part tears of guilt. As I drove down 83 I prayed Lord please just make yourself so real to me today.
And guess what this is exactly what He did, as I pulled up to my house, the kids came bounding out of there homes (I’m telling you I must have a scent or they have GPS on my car) as soon as I pull up they spill out into the streets. Well this particular day a couple of the boys were the first ones out the door, and one of them ran up to me and said, “Ms. Colleen did anyone ever tell you, you look as beautiful as a princess?” I looked at him like he lost his mind and giggled and said, “Ha, a princess, I don’t think so…” to which he replied, “Ms. Colleen you ARE as beautiful as a princess.” In that moment I quickly realized this was God reminding me that I am a daughter of the King, I AM A PRINCESS. It’s amazing what happens when you really are open to God revealing who He is to you.
The second happened on Tuesday night, I’ve been praying for a while for God to show me a special way that I could invest one-on-one time in some of my kids, so this week we began “Date night w/Ms. Colleen” three kids a week will get to come to my house, we’ll prepare dinner together, we’ll eat together (even have a lesson in manners) and we’ll clean up together. It’ll be s time where they can talk and I will listen, I will teach them about healthy eating, about working together as a team, and will provide them with an opportunity to have dinner family style. I’ve been SO EXCITED for this, well this week I had three of my friends over for dinner, we made dinner from start to finish, we shared stories, and laughs. Tuesday wasn’t exactly the greatest day, and honestly around 5 I was like Lord really tonight, we have to do this tonight…YES I had to do it that night I promised and I was not going to break a promise to these beautiful kids, well as the night went on the kids shared with me how much they had been looking forward to this, how much they wished they could have dinner here every night, how sad they would be if I ever left them, and one of them told me how excited she was that I am teaching her about Jesus. After dinner we went outside and played, when I came in that night I leaned against my door and tears began to stream down my face, because I realized the Lord has me here for such a great purpose and how thankful I am for that, but also how often I take that for granted. This whole week I’ve been reminded by these three kids how awesome it was to have dinner at my house, to me it was making dinner for a few extra people and spending time with them, for them it was like eating dinner in a castle, I am so thankful for the little ways God reveals Himself, but even more thankful for the opportunities He’s giving me to love people and to be the bearer of His Good News!
Finally the last one, a few weeks ago I had a little “run-in” with some neighbor boys, at the time when I requested they quietly get off my porch they did, but for the next week they tormented me, nightly I was praying and asking God to keep the fear away, I didn’t want these boys to know I was scared, but I was…nightly they’d bang on my windows, one night they climbed the gate and were in my backyard, they stole my pumpkin from my porch and just plain made life miserable for a few evenings. Well, about a week later the boys came to my house one Sunday evening and let me tell you I thought I was going to cry as I stood on my porch because I had NO IDEA what they were going to say to me. I am telling you this is a miracle that only God can provide, these boys apologized, they told me how sorry they were that they were mean to me. Now in the mornings if I am in the kitchen on their way to school in the morning they knock on my kitchen window and wave and if the window is open they’ll stop and chat. I am so happy that they’ve realized my house is safe, that my heart is open for them, and that I love them even when they are mean to me.
So my ONE prayer for today is this, will you allow God to show you the little things in life? Will you allow Him to use ordinary things to reveal Himself to you? I pray for YOU today that you’ll find God in the most unexpected places and you’ll allow Him to speak into your life.
Ps: You might think the picture I have chose for this entry is weird, however the other week as I walking across this bridge and taking in God’s beauty was another one of those times I realized how much bigger He is than I sometimes allow Him to be, so this picture is a reminder that God is BIG and He wants to be BIG in my life, He wants to bridge gaps in our lives, He wants to be with us on the wild swinging bridge of life, but we have to be open to Him and to letting Him be.