So remember when I said that this would be journey? And that I would probably share lots of emotions with you, well here it goes, I knew a few months ago that when I started out on a new journey that would put God at the center, I would be a prime target for the enemy, up until this week I thought maybe just maybe the enemy forgot about me. Ha! How silly of me!
This week has been full of panic, overwhelmingness, heartbreak, fear, worry, self-doubt, frustration and anger! However in the midst of all that the other day I couldn’t get these verses out of my head and heart, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose,” Romans 8:28 and “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own,” Matthew 6:34 there were on auto-play in my head, because last time I checked I love Him more than anything else in the world, and it’s evident I have been called according to His purpose, so why on earth was I letting the enemy get the best of me? It was like for an entire day God was telling me, He is in control and He has never let me down before, so why would I suddenly worry now?
Asking people for help whether its physical help, help through prayer, making my needs known etc., does not come easy for me, but this week I had to humble myself and ask for prayer, I had to surround myself with people who love and care about me, I also had to ask for physical help, and my friends are truly the greatest. I love that when I need to see God the most in my life he makes Himself completely visible.
This week, I was asked how I could believe in God when I couldn’t see Him physically in my life, my answer was but I CAN see Him in my life, I see Him through people and acts. This week, I was blessed in ways beyond measure, I was able to comfort a mother who lost her 17 year old son to the streets, after losing another son to the streets just 3 years ago, not only did I get to comfort her, but I got to lead her to Christ, I got to see God move in her pain, I got to reconnect with a group of boys who I met literally in the midst of their “activity” just a little over a year ago, I got to hear stories of how their lives are changing, I got to be the recipient of MANY blessings this week as I watched people who barely even know me, go out of there way to help get my new home ready to move in…
At the end of the day yesterday I sat in my car and I cried, because I realize that until yesterday I missed the blessings of the week, because I got lost in the chaos, and the horrible emotions, as I sat in my car and had a tearful conversation with God were I felt so angry and frustrated it was right their in the midst of those tears, that I really felt like God was bopping me in the head and saying to me, but you have nothing to be angry or frustrated about, you’ve missed the ways I have blessed you this week. I realized how so often we miss what God is doing in our lives because we are so frustrated by the things that He’s not doing, I usually do a pretty good job of praising God for the things He is doing before praying about the things I desire for Him to do but this week, I lost all of that.
So finally as I realized a friend was poking their head in my window to make sure I was ok, because I had been sitting there in tears for almost 15 minutes, I remembered that God will not leave or forsake me, and I quickly recited my favorite verse in my head, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” Jeremiah 29:11, and thanked God for the lessons He taught me throughout my pain, fear and heartache this week.
I will leave you with a few prayers that I am praying and ask that you join me in praying
-Praying for Ms. Janice, she lost her son this week “D” this boy was one of the boys I used to spend my Wednesdays mornings with, his mom finally accepted Christ into her life this week through her pain. I want to be a good testimony to who Christ is in her life.
-As I move forward in ministry, I am praying for protection from the enemy, next week my nanny job ends, this has kind of been my security blanket for the past year, and as I move forward I won’t have that security anymore, its all in Faith I go, I am excited, overwhelmed and even a little scared, but as I learned this week God is in control, and if God is for me who can be against me?
-Health, I have not felt “normal” in a little over a month, and this week I was given strict instructions, about my sleeping habits, so I am making getting to bed and getting enough sleep a priority, but daily it has been tempting to do just ONE more thing before bed, which would keep me up later than I need to be. I need to be rested as in two weeks, the craziness and fun begins!
Thank you for praying with and for me!